Keepin it real.. What am I doing??

This beautiful human being gives me a run for my money. He can be the most loving, endearing, behaved, thoughtful, polite little guy and in the same day turn and be a destructive, mean, disobedient, out of control boy. For some reason I thought that life would get easier as a mom after he turned 3; I thought he would only get easier as he gets older and figures out how to communicate.... um... ha! 

I'm just keeping it real today... being a mom to a 3 year old boy can be absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically (but mainly emotionally). 

Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes. I will go to bed some nights and think about our day and go to sleep wondering if I'm doing this all wrong. Does anyone else ever feel that way?

 I ask myself... what if I am disciplining him too hard? what if I am disciplining him to little? what if I am saying "no" to much? what if I am killing his spirit?

 I honestly feel like in the last 3-4 months this job as a mom just got a whole lot more serious. I'm trying not to make it serious but I feel this new weight. I think it's the weight of knowing that my precious Sawyer baby is not a baby anymore and is quickly turning into a little boy. I ache for his heart to know Jesus and I ache for his heart to have a spirit of thankfulness, gentleness, kindness, patience and overall love for other people. As hard as you try you can NOT control a 3 year old but my prayer is that I will protectively guide him toward the cross and discipline him in a way that shows him LOVE and doesn't damper his spirit. 

I talked to a mom the other day who has 4 teenagers at home and I  I asked her if she had any advice for stay at home mom's with toddlers and babies at home.. She told us.. "You are in your hardest years of parenting! Whatever you do focus on the heart of your child and remember that behaviors will phase out but his heart will always be the center of who he is." 

I find that statement helpful in two ways. One being I want to focus on his heart with our disciplining but also I want to always remember who Sawyer truly is. He may test the waters and he may want to act out when he feels like he's not getting attention but I want to remember who he is in his heart of hearts. I know that he is a tender soul with a heart that loves people. I know that even though he kicks his baby sister sometimes that he does truly love her and his behavior is showing me that he is crying out for attention from us. I know that he has a desire to please others and please us. I love who Sawyer is. I love his heart to pieces. I may not have the first clue how to child rear but I do know my son is a precious spirit that God has graciously blessed me with and I just know that God has His hand on his life. 

So I think as mamas we all need to take a deep breath and let the little things go and focus on how awesome their little hearts are. Focus on saying "Yes" to them more than "No" and focus on spending intentional time with them filling their precious souls. If you have it figured out please let me know your secrets but if you are like a lot of mamas including me that feel lost in this process of parenting I think we should just all remind one another that we are doing JUST FINE and that these kiddos will end up being JUST FINE! 

Happy Friday! Enjoy your families!