4.30.2012

Defeated

I was venting to my neighbor tonight about my day today and venting about how tiring my day was as a stay at home mom to these two kiddos. She is a single mom who is AMAZING, taking care of 3 kiddos who are 6 and under. She hit the nail on the head when she said "as mothers there are SO many days that we go to bed feeling defeated". 


umm... Amen! That is exactly how I am feeling at this moment. Defeated. 


I have had one of those days where my 3 year old woke up on the WRONG SIDE OF THE BED. One of those days where I failed to find the good in him and one of those days where I was discipling more than I was laughing or playing with him. On top of that I have a 6 month old who is still suffering from what I think is an ear infection and is basically not letting me put her down for a second without screaming her head off. 


My son almost died a few short months ago, I have friends who are struggling to get pregnant, I have friends who have lost babies and whose babies are fighting for their lives and yet here I sit frustrated about about my misbehaving toddler and my fussy infant.  When Sawyer almost died and was in the hospital a little over a year ago he woke up from being unconscious and when he was talking to me I thought to myself, "I will never take him for granted, I will never lose my patience with him or forget what a gift he is..." and yet here I am today losing my patience more than once and wishing this day away because of the stress he has put me through. 


Lord forgive me. Sawyer forgive me. 


There have been a few occasions since having two kiddos where I wonder if I am cut out for this job. And then I remember that God has me right where He wants me. I pray hard every night that I can raise these kiddos to find their own faith in Christ and that I would be an example of Christ every day so that they would want to live like Christ did..... but today I feel defeated. Today I feel like I failed in many ways and know that I did not live out my faith today. But... tonight I am thankful for a new, fresh day tomorrow. My prayer tonight is that I will live like I believe all these things I write about. I pray that my kids will start seeing Christ living THROUGH me and not just see my anger that gets the best of me time and time again. Here's to hoping for a much better day tomorrow! 


 Sorry for the rambling post that I wrote in a hurry. It feels good after a day like today to get it out in writing.. Hoping I'm not the only one who has been here.. Thanks for always listening! 

4 comments:

  1. katie...thank you for being so honest! i was just thinking these same thoughts today and telling my husband about it tonight while i was writing down some of your recipes. you are truly an inspiration and you should always know that! good luck juggling...we are all in the same boat with you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think as long as you hope for a better day tomorrow it's ok to admit having a bad day today.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Katie, I'm crying while I read this. I had one of those days too. And sometimes it feels like those days happen more often than not. I keep hoping it's a stage (for all of us!). What a great reminder this was for me today. This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just found your blog through Mare's. Thanks for sharing! I have one colicky baby and find myself complaining more than enjoying my healthy baby. It was a good reminder to read this post - to remember God has me where He wants me and I should bask in that. Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete